I'm so lonesome I could cry, Hank Williams in his low mournful voice. Can a feeling be expressed this perfectly only if it was real? or maybe just another hit song because so many people can relate to it. I still think at some point he must have been lonesome enough to cry. But then again, aren't we all?
Hear the lonesome whipoorwill
He sounds too blue to fly
The midnight train is whining low
Im so lonesome I could cry
I lost parts of me trying to please someone or the other by being who I was not. The more I did it the more I lost. Bit by bit it kept chipping off. Now I'm just scared I might never know who I really was, because I can't remember. And even after this pragmatic realization, it is still hard to be alone.
I've never seen a night so long
When time goes crawling by
The moon just went behind a cloud
To hide its face and cry
Why is it that the best lessons in life are always preceded by deception and treachery? why is it that even the fleetingly briefest moments of happiness are always followed by loss, remorse and regret? maybe because one is the reason the other exists. So how much happiness can really be pursued when the only certainty, the only constant, is death?. Is it really the most painful loss? the death of a loved one? It is a curious thing the death of a loved one. It's like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down in the air and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise.
Did you ever see a robin weep
When leaves begin to die
That means he's lost the will to live
Im so lonesome I could cry
Death makes sad stories of us all. An efficacious prestige. However it is only a matter of time before one realizes that the worst losses are not always caused by death. More so when we are bound by love. The losses so sustained pile up, one on top of the other, on one side of the scale and are balanced by the combined affections of everyone who loves us, on the other side. So what happens when this side is empty? what happens when you find yourself stranded in the middle of nowhere with absolutely no one with you? no love to balance the losses?
The silence of a falling star
Lights up a purple sky
And as I wonder where you are
Im so lonesome I could cry
All matters of choice not design, yet somehow the design is such that it leaves us no choices when it comes to it. I wish my scales wouldn't tip over so much. I'm scared to learn new names, it's so painful to forget them when they become nothing more than reverberating echos. I'm scared to be distant and aloof for that is when the memories invade my mind and body like hoardes of hungry flying, crawling insects. Clicking their pincers biting at my flesh with sadistic deliberation. Each day the scale of losses gets heavier feeding on my pains.
The worst part about the ones you lost but not to death...you cannot stop hoping they would be back.
